Mommying while studying: A one-year survival tip

Back in 2020, my husband and I decided to pivot our careers in Malaysia and go back to school to pursue our Masters in the UK (why we decided to do this deserves a post on its own). To us, it was a now-or-never opportunity, so after many deliberate considerations, we were gonna go for it!

We have a little toddler, Marissa, and naturally, when we announced our plan to friends and colleagues, the reactions we got were mostly raised eyebrows. I mean, I truly understand where this was coming from.

Raising a toddler is hard enough, but moving all the way to a foreign country, with no childcare support that we had at home, no comfortable salary, and back to student life for both parents, does sound pretty crazy. After one full year of doing this, I felt like it was a good time to reflect on what worked for us.

Prioritise, prioritise, prioritise

There is no secret sauce to surviving this kind of situation other than prioritising what's important, being flexible on the nice to have, and letting go of the things that are not important to us.

I have a running list of my top 5 priorities at one time. Once I have completed a goal in one of the priorities, I'll remove it and replace it with another priority. For instance, at the start of 2021, my priorities were (in no particular order):

Top 5 Goals

1. Marissa - Everything and anything to make sure she is healthy and happy. I don't strive for perfection because all kids are different but I monitor closely to make sure her developments are on track.

2. The well-being of the household- Relationship with my husband, spending time as a family, chores like cooking and cleaning, etc.

3. Get an MBA internship - This was important as one of my goals for doing the MBA is to transition my career to the UK.

4. Networking with my MBA peers and passing the MBA - I made the effort to network as much I can, and note that I put to 'pass' the MBA, not to get the highest grades.

5. Enjoy the UK and Europe - We don't know how long we will be here, so we try to travel as much as we can.

By early March, I achieved priority no. 3, so I removed it from the list and replaced it with something else. And the list goes on. I also have a nice-to-have list, where I'll try my best to achieve them but if it doesn't happen, I won't stress too much about it. If something comes up that is not in either of these categories, I can easily decide to say no to these things, which helps me focus on my main goals. It's also crucial to remember what's important to you may not be the same as others, so make sure you tailor this to the things that matter to you and your family.

As you can see, there will always be more things on the not-important list. The key is to focus on the main goals to deliver impact and make things manageable.

I learnt this tip from a parenting coach who was a senior leader at P&G, and so far it has helped a lot in making sure I can focus on what matters the most to me. There are so many things that we want to achieve, and there is no way for me to do it all at once. By focusing on the top goals and setting a timeline for each one, can help us stay on track, and most importantly not drown in a very very long to-do list!

Of course, there were endless challenges that we faced as I completely underestimated the MBA. The schedule and workload were insane! Will cover this in a separate post, hope you found this one useful :)

Love,

Sharifah Hazirah